Pretending to be on the Jimmy Kimmel show. It’s not real, I know, but sometimes a man needs a little dream to fuel him. Why the Jimmy Kimmel show? Well for starters, it’s a nighttime show and I honestly don’t think that I could get up early enough to do an interview in the morning. Also, ever since he presented “Joel the Lump of Coal” by The Killers, I’ve loved his style. If you haven’t watched it, you should. Here’s a link. It’s a funny and inspiring piece. Maybe I’ll write a post about it someday. So, let’s get to the interview.
- Jimmy: (to the audience) JACK is a book written by my guest here, Ariel Hammon. It’s about a touchy topic, polygamy. (toward Ariel) So, what caused you to write JACK? I mean, were you looking for attention or something?
- Ariel: I admit that a little attention would be nice. Look, I grew up with almost twenty mothers who were always feeding me, loving me, singing to me, tucking me into bed at night, and so on. So as an adult, I feel a little starved for it. Seriously, though, I wanted to write a favorable, yet accurate, portrayal of polygamy.
- Jimmy: This isn’t exactly a comfortable topic for most people.
- Ariel: I agree. In browsing books on the subject, I noticed that nearly all of them are negative. I only say “nearly all,” because I’m assuming that buried down deep, maybe on the 20th page of listings, there might have been a positive treatment of the subject. I felt like that needed to change.
- Jimmy: Didn’t that give you a little clue that maybe you should avoid the topic? It appears that the market was sending you a clear signal. What kind of author writes a book about something that no one wants to read?
- Ariel Yes, Jimmy, it gave me a clue and an idea! What’s the number one best seller of all time?
- Jimmy: I’m going with “Sam I Am.”
- Ariel: (laughing) Yes, that’s a classic alright, but the all-time best seller is the Bible. Actually, “Quotations from Chairman Mao Tse-tung” is number one, but let’s face it, the Chinese pretty much take 1st place in any sales category. There’s a billion of them! So if we stick with books published in the western world, it’s the Bible. And it was the biblical book of Ruth that inspired me to write JACK.
- Jimmy: So that was your big idea? Sounds like a real page turner.
- Ariel: I have to admit that when I read Ruth, it was a page turner. It’s packed with intrigue, seduction, manipulation, and love.
- Jimmy: Okay, you might be right. It’s been a while since I brushed up on my Bible stories, but wasn’t there a relationship between Ruth and Boaz? That didn’t have anything to do with polygamy.
- Ariel: Boaz was a middle-aged man and quite wealthy. It seems unlikely to me that he was single. In seeking Ruth’s hand in marriage, he invoked the Law of Moses which required a man to marry the widow of a close relative, even if he already had a wife.
- Jimmy: I feel like we’re having a nice Sunday School session here.
- Ariel: Should we start passing bread and wine? What do you say everyone? Should we have some wine?
- Audience: (cheering)
- Jimmy: You’re quite irreverent, aren’t you?
- Ariel: You have no idea. Hey Jimmy, should I tell you how I know that God loves polygamy?
- Jimmy: Is this safe for television?
- Ariel: Yes, but it’ll drive some people crazy. God sent King David, a man after his own heart, through the polygamous union of Ruth and Boaz. You can’t get a better endorsement than that.
- Jimmy: So what are you trying to do? Start a religious controversy or something? We don’t normally run shows like that.
- Ariel: No not all. I want to help religions do what they claim to do, but I want to help them do it better.
- Jimmy: Like what? Your book isn’t written on tablets of stone, is it?
- Ariel: No, not at all. Let’s face it, Jimmy. Religion doesn’t work for a lot of people anymore. It’s hard to sell ideas that are centuries old to people who carry Google around in their pockets.
- Jimmy: I’m not really religious, but I was taught that God doesn’t change.
- Ariel: I knew we were kindred spirits; I’m not religious, either, Jimmy. I’m not saying that God has changed; I’m saying that we never really knew him in the first place. It’s our ideas that change. If you’re going to peddle an idea, and God is a pretty big idea, you’ve got to give people a rational basis for it. Something that works for modern thinkers.
- Jimmy: Okay, phew! I’m a little relieved. That could be refreshing.
- Ariel: Thanks. That’s certainly my intent.
- Jimmy: So sum up your book in one sentence.
- Ariel: I was afraid you’d ask me to do that. Can I use an incomplete sentence, instead? Like a single word?
- Jimmy: I’m not your English teacher. Do whatever you want.
- Ariel: Love.
- Jimmy: Love? JACK is about “love?” Is that all you’ve got.
- Ariel: That’s the best I can come up with.
- Jimmy: Okay. Well, I wish you success with that. I don’t see how that could harm anyone. Ariel, talking to you before the show, I learned that you’re really into rock ‘n’ roll. If you could hear any song right now, what would it be?
- Ariel: Well, Jimmy, I suppose I’d have to say “Spaceman” by The Killers.
- Jimmy: (making an announcement to the audience) The Killers everyone!
- Killers: (playing live music) Oooh, Oooh, Ooooooooh
- Audience: (cheering)
- Ariel: (rocking out)
Photo by ABC/Randy Holmes